


[Podfic with transcript] Welcome to Day Vale

by DayVale (SeeEmRunning)



Series: Welcome to Day Vale [1]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Basically a different town, Genderbend, I'm not explaining this well, Not a word-for-word reading, Podfic Length: 0-10 Minutes, Rule 63, Transcript Included
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-09
Updated: 2013-12-09
Packaged: 2018-01-04 03:47:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1076178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeeEmRunning/pseuds/DayVale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>A fantastic woodland town where the breeze is cool, the leaves are verdant, and dappled sunlight creates ever-shifting patterns on the ground, much the way our lives are shifting us ever closer to the best versions of ourselves.</i> </p><p>  <i>Hello, Day Vale. I'm Cecilia, your host. Your previous host, Jamie, was detained for questioning this morning in a matter involving missing dogs. All of us here at the station deeply regret the loss of this fine, upstanding gentleman to the temptations of pet ownership.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	[Podfic with transcript] Welcome to Day Vale

**Author's Note:**

> I may or may not do more of this, who knows? All I know is I've got a face made for radio.
> 
> Edit: I can't figure out how to make the audio player work.

(If the audio player isn't working, you can listen without download [here.](https://dl-web.dropbox.com/get/Episode%201.mp3?w=AADaVnvynFUNaCcDifB7S8bYqr1PecH1_h_dSC9NRddfuQ)

A fantastic woodland town where the breeze is cool, the leaves are verdant, and dappled sunlight creates ever-shifting patterns on the ground, much the way our lives are shifting us ever closer to the best versions of ourselves.

Hello, Day Vale. I'm Cecilia, your host. Your previous host, Jamie, was detained for questioning this morning in a matter involving missing dogs. All of us here at the station deeply regret the loss of this fine, upstanding gentleman to the temptations of pet ownership.

On another note, the Town Council released a statement this morning. It appears that we have been crowned the most average town in the country, possibly in the world. We hold one record, our crime rate is the statistical mean, our rainfall and temperatures are consistently within the normal range. The only real factor that sets us apart from other towns is that our weather forecasts are always accurate, which is also what the record was for. The National Weather Service is sending out a team to inspect our equipment in order to further calibrate their own. Pride in our good town, citizens, for the national government is sending their workers in like busy, busy bees to learn from us simple townsfolk.

There's a new park opening up on Main Street, just next to the gazebo. Included in the park is a playground for the children, a volleyball net, two grills, and three shelters. Patrons are asked to bring their own charcoal, lighter fluid, and matches to the park. Patrons are also reminded that following the collapse of the parks and rec infrastructure due to budget cuts, any repairs to the equipment falls strictly under the heading of 'community activism'.

That's right, folks, community activism. Stop picketing the town - start helping out.

Parents are further reminded that any injuries sustained during play are solely the fault of the child and the parent that allowed them to hurt themselves.

The Day Vale Co-Ed Basketball Team continues to struggle with finding a school with a team willing to play them. Despite no discernible difference between the young men and women who enjoy sport, surrounding areas continue to segregate along lines completely inconsequential to the skill level of young folks. 

The football team, meanwhile, has no shortage of opponents. The coach, Blonde Jo, told us that's because no girls have tried out for the team since she herself graduated, six years ago. She'd played quarterback; unsurprisingly, the teams prescribing to gender essentialism had expressed discomfort. Several of them refused to play rather than tackle a young woman.

Aren't we lucky to live in a town that is so progressive as to have gotten rid of such artificial barriers? Everyone, no matter their age, disability, gender, race, or sex, should be able to fully participate in society in any way they so choose.

Everyone.

This just in, folks, the park will also include a tourism center. That there are very few tourists is exactly the reason for the center; the town council hopes it will draw visitors to our lovely town and convince them to spend the hard-earned money of a capitalist society in our peaceful little burg. Why we are in need of extra money in a town largely unaffected by outside economics is beyond my comprehension, but then, I'm not on the Council. I'm sure the policies they make are for a good reason. There's no reason to spend money building anything without proper reason, after all; all that time and all those resources going into something that will flop at best seems like something unlikely to be approved by a multipartisan committee.

I hope there are benches. I hate planning a trip and getting all excited, only to find out I have to walk a mile without a rest. When that happens, I turn around and come back home to Day Vale, where those of us with bad skeletomuscular systems can be secure in the knowledge that anywhere we need to go is easily accessible in every imaginable manner.

If you haven't noticed the wonderful accommodations provided for the disabled and chronically ill, shame on you for failing to be socially conscious.

The meteorologists have just arrived in the auditorium of the local high school. I've sent one of our interns, Jackie, to take a video. While we wait, let's look at traffic.

As always, the streets are clear. The streetsweepers do their jobs well, despite their, ah, personal problems. We're lucky to live in a town kind enough to provide a road to redemption for those who have lost direction in their lives.

There are no traffic jams. There are never any traffic jams; proper urban planning has eliminated the possibility of there ever being a traffic jam. The widespread use of bikes may also be a contributing factor, but as they must obey stoplights and stop signs as much as those who drive machines that run on liquefied carbon, it's unlikely to be the main cause.

Jackie has just come back, and I am about to start watching the video. For now, please enjoy the following song

[Song]

Oh...oh my. Listeners, I have just finished watching the video. The head meteorologist - she says her name is Carla - is...amazing. Such eloquence! Such captivating words! Such beauty! Her black hair in a sensible ponytail, her golden skin, her brown eyes, her red lips that remind those lucky enough to bask in her presence of the ripest rose on the bush...oh, my.

But her beauty is outshone by her words. "Citizens of Day Vale," she says into a microphone, "please, listen. Your town is of the utmost importance in ascertaining the existence of not only an infallible predictor of inclement weather, but also of a perpetual motion machine. Our geographic positioning systems gave out twenty minutes away from town limits, and we have been unable to establish cellular service, but rest assured, we will be able to explain the exact nature of your weather channel's accuracy in a reasonable amount of time."

When asked about the perpetual motion machine, she said, "Geographically speaking, your town sits squarely on two magnetic lines. If we could harness that somehow, we could create a machine that would run forever. Imagine it - no pollution, no resources taken, just energy produced from with no waste product. It would be revolutionary."

As we all know, 'revolutionary' is an incendiary word, but as a newcomer, Carla can be forgiven for the social faux pas.

So, Carla, if you'd like, I would be more than happy to show you around. Maybe we can grab coffee and walk around, seeing the town. It's beautiful in summer. The flowers have bloomed, the trails are easily passed, the roads are clean as always. Most of the shops keep their doors open. Mark - he owns the flower store - he'll sit outside and talk with everyone. Florence, the mechanic, will smile when you pass her and she's elbow-deep in a car's engine. Carla, we're lucky to have such an intelligent, beautiful woman in town. Not that our own women and men aren't intelligent and beautiful; they are. You are. But you, Carla, you are something else. Welcome to Day Vale.

Just in time for the founders' parade, too! That's right, folks, this Saturday, 10AM. The marching band will play a lovely selection of patriotic songs. They will end at the gazebo, providing instrumental backup for the chorus's rendition of our town song. I'll be there, recording the youth of our town in their joyous celebration.

In true Day Vale fashion, the best of them will receive awards packages.

I'm Cecilia, Jamie's replacement, and I ask you to think about the grass. When you trample on the grass, you trample on life.

Good morrow, Day Vale. Good morrow.


End file.
